Yes. For real.

Let me preface this by saying yes, I have already picked on Justin Bieber (see Consumer B.S. #14). His musical toothbrush was really stupid. Maybe it seems like I have a vendetta against him. Go ahead. Ask me if I care.

I feel very out of touch since it was not on my radar that he has a fragrance out, let alone a fragrance “for her.” I would say it is a woman’s fragrance, but I am thinking that is not really the consumer this is geared for. It’s for girls. Young girls. With bad taste. And it comes in a bottle that looks like a vagina. Georgia O’Keefe has nothing on this perfume bottle.

Marketing is a topic I have mixed feelings on. Merchandising is not. Putting your name on every piece of junk no matter how poorly made, how oppressive its manufacturer is, just because they shovel money at you is simply pathetic. How old is this kid? His parents have to be a couple of cartoon characters with dollar signs in their eyes and have a fountain in their front yard that spews cash out of a sculpture shaped like their kid’s hideous freaking haircut. As far as I can tell—and hear me out on this—Justin Bieber’s parents are pimping out their kid.

The name of this fragrance that magically sprays out of a bottle shaped like a crotch is “Someday.” Someday, by Justin Bieber. Someday, buy Justin Bieber. Dare to dream, huh? And, according to the enormous display in the store, you can, “Be in the SOMEDAY AD with JUSTIN!”

I really feel like this fragrance doesn’t just appeal to young girls, but preys upon them. It catches them at a vulnerable time in their development into women and gives them the message that they should be scrambling to be seen with this guy. Why not try to tell young girls they should follow their own dreams, rather than telling them their dream possibilities are limited to being in an advertisement with a flavor of the month? Like any young girl with a crush hasn’t already Photoshopped a picture of themselves with him. Come on.

And what is a completely inappropriate perfume without a slogan? Because without a slogan, a perfume is just not a life-altering experience.

So here is Justin Bieber’s perfume slogan: “NEVER LET GO with the new fragrance for her that gives back.”

First of all, that doesn’t make much sense at all. It sounds like a bad translation. Second, it seems to encourage some kind of stalking behavior. And last, what is it giving back exactly? A clearer slogan would be, “Give us your money for some cheap crap, and develop the skills you need to have emotionally one-sided relationships as an adult.”

With that out of the way, I am sure everyone wants to know what it smells like. I can tell you because there were tester bottles in the store. I didn’t use one because I could already smell it from about seven feet away. It smells like someone dumped baby powder all over some melted plastic.